August 2008 Archives
Hey, so I finally thought of something to write about.
Last night, I had a dream that I was back in middle school. I was in phys ed class, and team captains had been chosen. It was for a new sport that nobody had ever heard of, in which success was not measured on physical ability, but rather physical appearance. Beauty.
The team captains were generally regarded as the best-looking people in the class. Each captain started taking turns drafting his or her teammates - presumably starting from the remaining best-lookers, and trickling down to, well, the not-so-good-looking.
"Surely I won't be the very last person to be chosen," I thought to myself. But it was getting thinner and thinner. 10, and then 8, and then 5 people left. Then 3. I was among those three. Suddenly, one of those three decided that he was sick and had to go to the nurse's office. And then there were two.
I looked at the other guy. I recognized him as my friend, my good friend, and, while he wasn't any Brad Pitt, he certainly wasn't what I would call ugly
The next guy was up. He was having a real hard time trying to decide who to pick next. After what seemed like ten minutes, he just said, "can't I just pass?"The gym teacher started to pity us. "Why don't you both be the monsters?"
It turns out this sport was some variant of tag, and we two ugly guys were it. Suddenly we had become monsters in the eyes of our classmates and our teacher. But if it was a game of tag, why had the class divided up into teams?
What a scarring dream.
I was going to write an entry today, about the handicapped parking spot in front of our apartment building, and my interactions with it and the people who park there - and it was going to be inspired! - but it wasn't, so I gave up.
Sorry. I've been too busy to do any writing, let alone good writing.
McCAIN CAMPAIGN: Hey, can we have some help here?
BUSH'S AMERICA: I'll see what I can do.
BUSH'S AMERICA:Hey Putin's Russia! Can you create a geopolitical crisis or something?
PUTIN'S RUSSIA: What's in it for me?
BUSH'S AMERICA: Well, make me an offer.
PUTIN'S RUSSIA: Georgia.
BUSH'S AMERICA: WHOA! Slow down. We can't just give you Georgia!
PUTIN'S RUSSIA: I'll let you put the missile defense shield up in Poland. For now.
BUSH'S AMERICA: Good, but you only get South Ossetia.
PUTIN'S RUSSIA: Done!
BUSH'S AMERICA: But we will publicly condemn it.
PUTIN'S RUSSIA: OK, but not by Bush. And, in that case, we get to do it during the Olympics.
BUSH'S AMERICA: Fine. Not by Bush. And during the Olympics. We will send Condoleezza Rice in with a strongly-worded message after the fact, and hold a public press conference with the Georgian president.
PUTIN'S RUSSIA: Fine.
BUSH'S AMERICA: And, the Republican Party gets to be able to weakly condemn you with faint platitudes about freedom and sovereignty. Oh, and we'll make it look like it's all John McCain's idea. He'll look strong.
PUTIN'S RUSSIA: Sigh. Fine! But what about Poland?
BUSH'S AMERICA: We'll talk about Poland later.
BUSH'S AMERICA: OK man, Russia's going to invade Georgia.
McCAIN CAMPAIGN: Sweet! Who do we contact in Russia to coordinate our marketing?
Meanwhile...
CLINTON CAMPAIGN: Make me your running mate.
OBAMA CAMPAIGN: Uh, no.
CLINTON CAMPAIGN: Who the hell are you going to choose? Edwards?
OBAMA CAMPAIGN: John Edwards is a good man.
CLINTON CAMPAIGN: Edwards is through. We've got adultery on him. Whether you choose him or not, our media contacts are making him going down.
OBAMA CAMPAIGN: Ah, it can't be all that bad...
CLINTON CAMPAIGN: He cheated on his wife, Obama Campaign. And she has inoperable cancer.
OBAMA CAMPAIGN: Ouch...
CLINTON CAMPAIGN: And it looks like he has an illegitimate child with this woman. And he was paying her!
OBAMA CAMPAIGN: Damn it. OK, so what if I do? What's in it for me?
CLINTON CAMPAIGN: When we spill the beans, we'll coordinate our marketing to remind people of John McCain's past marital indiscretions.
OBAMA CAMPAIGN: OK, OK, that all sounds good. I guess I don't have a choice anyway. How's it going to go down?
CLINTON CAMPAIGN: I want roll-call vote at the convention. When I get it, I'll voice my full support of you.
OBAMA CAMPAIGN: ...Ummm, how do I know you're not going to pull something?
CLINTON CAMPAIGN: You can trust me! Oh, and we're going to be launching Chelsea's political career at the convention, too, so get ready for that.
