This Georgia/Russia thing is some scary stuff.

McCAIN CAMPAIGN: Hey, can we have some help here?

BUSH'S AMERICA: I'll see what I can do.

BUSH'S AMERICA:Hey Putin's Russia! Can you create a geopolitical crisis or something?

PUTIN'S RUSSIA: What's in it for me?

BUSH'S AMERICA: Well, make me an offer.

PUTIN'S RUSSIA: Georgia.

BUSH'S AMERICA: WHOA! Slow down. We can't just give you Georgia!

PUTIN'S RUSSIA: I'll let you put the missile defense shield up in Poland. For now.

BUSH'S AMERICA: Good, but you only get South Ossetia.

PUTIN'S RUSSIA: Done!

BUSH'S AMERICA: But we will publicly condemn it.

PUTIN'S RUSSIA: OK, but not by Bush. And, in that case, we get to do it during the Olympics.

BUSH'S AMERICA: Fine. Not by Bush. And during the Olympics. We will send Condoleezza Rice in with a strongly-worded message after the fact, and hold a public press conference with the Georgian president.

PUTIN'S RUSSIA: Fine.

BUSH'S AMERICA: And, the Republican Party gets to be able to weakly condemn you with faint platitudes about freedom and sovereignty. Oh, and we'll make it look like it's all John McCain's idea. He'll look strong.

PUTIN'S RUSSIA: Sigh. Fine! But what about Poland?

BUSH'S AMERICA: We'll talk about Poland later.

BUSH'S AMERICA: OK man, Russia's going to invade Georgia.

McCAIN CAMPAIGN: Sweet! Who do we contact in Russia to coordinate our marketing?

CLINTON CAMPAIGN: Make me your running mate.

OBAMA CAMPAIGN: Uh, no.

CLINTON CAMPAIGN: Who the hell are you going to choose? Edwards?

OBAMA CAMPAIGN: John Edwards is a good man.

CLINTON CAMPAIGN: Edwards is through. We've got adultery on him. Whether you choose him or not, our media contacts are making him going down.

OBAMA CAMPAIGN: Ah, it can't be all that bad...

CLINTON CAMPAIGN: He cheated on his wife, Obama Campaign. And she has inoperable cancer.

OBAMA CAMPAIGN: Ouch...

CLINTON CAMPAIGN: And it looks like he has an illegitimate child with this woman. And he was paying her!

OBAMA CAMPAIGN: Damn it. OK, so what if I do? What's in it for me?

CLINTON CAMPAIGN: When we spill the beans, we'll coordinate our marketing to remind people of John McCain's past marital indiscretions.

OBAMA CAMPAIGN: OK, OK, that all sounds good. I guess I don't have a choice anyway. How's it going to go down?

CLINTON CAMPAIGN: I want roll-call vote at the convention. When I get it, I'll voice my full support of you.

OBAMA CAMPAIGN: ...Ummm, how do I know you're not going to pull something?

CLINTON CAMPAIGN: You can trust me! Oh, and we're going to be launching Chelsea's political career at the convention, too, so get ready for that.